I wrote about these on facebook, but I also wanted to put them here, so that I could look back on them later. Darek must have had Ian right with him on Friday (the anniversary of Ian's death) because some of the things he said were so sweet and inspiring.
Friday morning we took Alex to school and then Darek and I went over to the cemetery. On the way to the cemetery, I started crying pretty hard and Darek got very concerned. He always is concerned when anyone cries. He asked me if I was sad. I told him I was sad about his brother Ian and wished Ian was still here instead of in Heaven with Heavenly Father. Darek said, "Mommy, you don't have to be sad because I am here." I told him I was so happy he was here with me and how much I loved him. I said I just wished Ian could be here too. He replied with, "Mommy, it's okay, because Ian is a child of God." And of course, instead of that stopping my crying, it made it worse because of how true and how sweet it was for Darek to say. It is true. My little Ian is a child of God and is loved and being taken care of. I don't know how these things pop into little children's heads, but it's one of those things that brings my faith to a whole new level.
When we got to the cemetery, we had a little pumpkin to put on Ian's grave. So we went over and put the pumpkin down. We always walk around the baby cemetery for little while. It's sad to see an entire area of little children that have passed away, but I also feel such a strong spirit in that area. As we were walking around looking at the headstones, Darek pointed to one with a carving of Jesus holding a little baby. He exclaimed with so much enthusiasm, "Look Mom! It's Jesus holding my baby Ian." I think I had finally stopped crying a few moments before, but that started the tears right back up.
If Ian was not meant to stay here, I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father chose to leave my little Darek here with me. I don't know what I would do without him. He made Friday a bit easier to handle. I wonder if Ian ever talks to Darek... I wonder if they have a special bond... From the things that Darek said on Friday, I can only imagine that they do.
***Note - Thank you so much to Beth and Chad and to Julie for the beautiful flowers. It's something I appreciate more than you know and just about the only thing I look forward to on this day every year. Not saying that you always have to give me flowers :). Just wanted to let you know how much it means to me that you remember.
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