Daycare

I have been doing daycare now for just over 2 years. WOW! Crazy that it's been that long! It has been a lot of fun watching all these cute little kids and watching them grow up. I was just thinking of some random things today regarding my experiences with daycare. So here they are:

-I love that it allows me to be home with my kids.
-It has helped me realize how many kids I will be able to handle as a mom. This number is somewhere between 4 and 6.
-I figured out that I really need a little girl that is 5 years old.
-There are days that I know if I hear the theme songs to iCarly, Dora, SpongeBob, or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse one more time.... I will throw a rock (or something else that will do some damage) right through my TV.
-I love feeling like I'm (hopefully) making a difference, or at least making a positive lasting impression on these kids.
-There are days where I want to go in my room and lock the door.
-There are days when it really makes me sad when kids go home.
-I really think I would be a great foster mom.
-I wish I had more space for the kids to play.
-I love when the weather is nice and we can all play outside!
-When we move, we WILL have a big backyard!
-It is almost certain that my family will have twice to three times the amount of colds/flu.
-The getting sick part really sucks, especially with a kid that was a preemie baby.
-I take lots of vitamin C!
-Sometimes I feel like I'm taking my time away from Alex and Darek.
-Then I realize that I would be working out of the home and would be away a lot if I weren't doing daycare.
-It's so fun to listen to kids play pretend and imagine.
-I really wish that I still had that kind of imagination.
-Taking 7 kids to the grocery store isn't as hard as I thought it would be. I've only done this once, so I'm sure my experience next time won't be nearly as easy.
-Surprisingly, all the kids I've had are really good kids. The only problem with this is that it really makes me want to have more kids REALLY BAD.
-If I ever do have to go find a job or we move far away, it will break my heart to leave these kids.

So there is some randomness for ya. I really am grateful the "job" that I have. It has been fun, frustrating, rewarding, exhausting and humbling. I am grateful to the Moms that have trusted me with their children. I know sometimes I don't take that to heart. But when I think about who I would trust to take care of my kids, very few people would be on that list. So I am truly honored.

Two Years

It's hard to believe two years have passed. Two years without our sweet little Ian. For some reason I thought it might be easier this year. Not as difficult to deal with and think about. But it actually seems a little harder. I know part of it is because Darek is this funny little kid now with such a huge personality and I dream about what Ian's personality would be like. I imagine him being a sweet little guy and kinda shy. I can see his beautiful smile (but it's different from Darek's). I imagine him loving his pacifier and having a hard time taking it away from him. I can see him sitting with Darek and dancing and singing to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Umizoomi. He loves music and especially loves to lay in bed and sing Twinkle, twinkle and ABC's. He loves books and could be read to for hours. He knows how to throw a really good tantrum, but they don't last long. He is beautiful, just like Darek. He has the same big, brown eyes. He loves getting in a good sword fight with his brothers. He is very sensitive. He has a special bond with his Daddy. He gives the best hugs and kisses.

I don't know if it's a good or bad thing to daydream about what he would be like if he was here. But sometimes, it helps. I wish I knew exactly where he was and who was taking care of him. I know that sounds silly. But as a Mom, just saying, "He is in a better place and being taken care of", isn't enough. I want to know specifics. I know I won't get an answer, but I want one so badly.

Ian, I miss you so much that it feels like part of my heart is missing. I need to be so much better to ensure that I can be with you again. I love you.

So Behind!

September is always filled with many, many celebrations. This September has been no exception. I feel extremely bad that I haven't blogged about so many of those celebrations. So this post will have to be a quick summary of some of these events.

Sept 9th - Ryan celebrated his 32nd birthday! As adults, birthdays don't seem to mean nearly as much as they used to... which makes me sad. Ryan is fine with it and never wants a huge deal made out of his birthday. We celebrated with cake and ice cream and he got some fun gaming presents.

Sept 17th - My cute little nephew, Gryn, was born! We were able to go down and visit him in the hospital and then at home for a few days. It was so much fun and he is the cutest little guy! I'm pretty sure I'm already his favorite person... ok, maybe I come in 3rd behind his Mom and Dad. :) I'm so happy for my sister and my brother-in-law. I love them so much and couldn't be happier for them. I have some cute pictures that I will post later. But I cannot wait to see all of them again (soon)!

Sept 22nd - This was a pretty big date for us. Ryan and I celebrated our 10th anniversary! That's right.... 10th!!! I think this is a huge accomplishment for anyone. As it usually is for us, we were both busy on the actual day, so we had to put of celebrating. My parents were kind enough to babysit our kids for the weekend and we went up to Park City for 2 nights. We stayed at the Silver King (which is where we spent our 1st anniversary) and relaxed all weekend long. I cannot tell you how wonderful it was and how quickly it went by. It was so nice to have that time alone with Ryan and really enjoy each other with no other distractions. When I think about these past 10 years, I'm amazed at how quickly they've flown by. I love Ryan so much! He is an amazing Husband and Father. He is kind and gentle and so loving. I can't imagine anyone more perfect for me than him. I look back at our wedding pictures and see how young we were. Our love was strong then, but with each year it has grown stronger and deeper. Thank you for these amazing 10 years Ryan! I can't wait to see what the next 10 bring!

Sept 29th - This was my golden birthday! I turned 29 on the 29th! And once again, Ryan and I hardly saw each other on my birthday. It was all just fine though. My parents went out to dinner with me and the kids and I got some wonderful gifts! I have some incredible friends that visited me and wished me a happy birthday and brought over some gifts. I felt very loved and incredibly lucky! We had planned to go to Lagoon today to 'celebrate' my birthday. But Darek had an incident that made us postpone those plans. We might go tomorrow (that's right, everyone get out their judging notebooks and write this one down) since Ryan and I hardly see each other to do anything together. We'll see.... Even if it doesn't work out, I know that I am loved and I am grateful for all those wonderful people in my life that remind me of how lucky I truly am.

Well those are the major celebrations for September. We had a whole bunch of other stuff that went on, but I'm too tired to even think about all of it right now. Hopefully October will be a little calmer so that I can enjoy it a little more. :)