This Week

I feel bad that it's been a week since I've blogged. I've just had a hard time sitting down to do it. There are a few things to update you on. First of all, we took Darek into the doctor for a checkup right after we got back from Disneyland. He now weighs 8 lbs and is 20.5 inches long. So he has quadrupled his weight since he was born. For those of you who hated me after I had Alex because he was such a great baby, you'll be pleased to know that little Darek here has quite a bit of attitude. He is SOOOO cute, but has quite a temper. He is not a great sleeper yet. When we are out and about, he is great. But at home he has a harder time being content if he is not being held. We're working on it. Overall, he really is a wonderful baby. He has the funniest little expressions and absolutely ADORES his big brother! And Alex adores him.

I got a call today that Ian's headstone had been put in. So Alex, Darek and I went to the cemetery this morning to see it. It looks really nice and I am happy with the way it turned out. Here is a photo of it:

A lot of people have commented about how well I'm handling everything. I don't know how well I'm doing. It's a roller coaster for me and always will be I think. I'm still in "twin mode" where I still feel like I need to be buying two of everything. So I'll see a cute outfit and automatically pick up two. Then I get that sting of sadness and put one back. There are little things here and there that get me really upset and I'll cry. I feel that as a family, we are doing well. We have a lot of discussions together that really help us cope.

We are all looking forward to Halloween. Alex, Darek and I were all going to go to St George for the weekend because Ryan was going to be working on Halloween. But he ended up being able to get the day off, so because of that (and several other reasons) we will be staying in Salt Lake. Alex is going to be Darth Vader and Darek is going to be either Stitch or a bumble bee. It all depends on if he can still fit in his Stitch costume on Halloween.

So that's all for now. We were going to decorate for Christmas this past weekend, but decided to wait until this coming weekend. We have everything out and ready to set up, but just haven't done it yet. I will post once it's all set up!

Disneyland Angel

I have a few moments from Disneyland that I want to share, but there is one great moment that was very touching.

For those who know us, Disney and Disneyland has a very big place in our hearts. So one thing I really wanted to get for Darek and Ian at Disneyland were their own Mickey ears. Of course with them being so small, none of the ears at Disneyland would fit them. Even the "newborn" size were twice the size of Darek's head. My sister, Bethany, came up with a brilliant idea to go to the Build A Bear store in Downtown Disney to see if they had ears there. Turns out that they did. They came with a little t-shirt that has Mickey Mouse on it and says Disneyland. We tried the ears out on Darek, and they actually fit. So we bought two sets, one for each of the boys.

After buying the ears, it was really important to have their names embroidered on the back. So I went into one of the stores and asked if they could do it. They said that the embroider machines they have can only be used on the ears they sell because of the size of the ears. They suggested I try a store on Main Street that does specialty embroidery. They said it would cost $7.00 for each pair. But that was worth it to me.

I took the ears to that store and spoke to the man working there. I showed the ears to him. He said that they are not supposed to embroider anything that wasn't bought at Disneyland, just in case it was ruined. I told him how important this was to me and told him about Ian. He let me know that it may not work, and the machine could ruin the ears. I told him I understood and would take the chance. He did Darek's ears first....

They turned out perfectly so he went on and did Ian's...

I was so happy with the way they turned out, it brought tears to my eyes. As I went to pay him, he told me that he would need to charge $7.00 for Darek's ears, but that they do not charge for angels. Of course, being the person I am, I burst into tears (as well as my mom, sister, brother-in-law, and even my dad I think). I asked if I could give him a hug. He came out from behind the counter and gave me a huge hug. I thanked him again and again for breaking the rules and doing such an amazing job. He told me that he can't always say that he is happy to come into work, but that he was so happy to be at work that day. I will never forget this wonderful man. And I will probably write Disney to let them know about this situation.

It's reasons like this that we continue to go back to Disneyland (and give them all our money) :)

Pictures of Ian

I have a lot to blog about, but I wanted to post some pictures of Ian as I had promised. They are absolutely beautiful.

I have to comment on this picture. This is dear, sweet Pam. She is the one who sat with Ian as he passed away. We stayed with her family when we went back to VA to get the boys. She is an angel to us and we feel eternally linked to this family.


Our beautiful Ian. I was not thinking to take pictures at the funeral, but I know some of my siblings and friends took some. So when I get copies of it, I may post some of those as well. The funeral was beautiful. We had very close family and friends attend and Ryan and I actually made it through speaking at the graveside. We are planning to go as a family to his grave today. Before Ian passed away, Alex had picked out tiny pumpkins for Ian and Darek. So we are going to take Ian's pumpkin to him today. At times this is all still so surreal to me. It doesn't seem right that we've had to bury a child. But we love him and we will be with him again.

Today

It is just after 5 in the morning right now. I have been up since about 1:30. And it's not because of Darek. Well, not only because of Darek. I just finished putting the obituary together and have been thinking about the funeral that we will have today and everything that will happen in a few short hours.

Yesterday, Ryan and I went with Alex and Darek to the mortuary and were able to see Ian and dress him in a beautiful white outfit my Mom bought. It was a very hard, but amazing experience. We had told Alex to come, but if he got worried or nervous that he didn't have to stay. He actually did quite well and even touched his little hand for a bit. When we had come in, Darek had been a little agitated and wiggly. But as we walked in the room where Ian was, it seemed a calm came over Darek and a huge smile came across his face. He smiled almost continually for several minutes. I don't know if it was coincidence, or if he could see or sense his brother. Either way, it brought peace to my heart. Holly came and took several pictures of us as a family and some of Ian. I will be so grateful to have those pictures. When we left, I felt a pang of guilt. I'm sure it stems from the last time I left at the hospital and looking back now at what has happened. I know he is not in that little body anymore and staying would not have made a difference, but the guilt was still there.

We will be having a viewing at 1:00 today and then a small graveside service at 2:00. Ryan and I will speak, then a small musical number and the dedication of the grave. I know I will be a little more at peace when it is all done, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Some of you may criticize me for this, but tomorrow, I will be heading out of town to Disneyland actually. My parents had this trip scheduled for quite some time. Originally my grandparents, parents and my sister Bethany and her husband Chad were all going to go. But my grandparents are now unable to go. Since my parents bought the tickets already, they asked if we would like to go. Ryan is working and going to school the whole time, but suggested that I still take the boys and go. Alex doesn't know yet, and we are just telling him that we are going down to St. George for a few hours, then coming home. Only, instead of home, it'll be California. I can't wait to see the look on his face when he realizes what we're doing. I'm not yet sure how the trip will be. I know if I let myself, I will have fun. It's just a matter of letting myself. I think it will be good to get away and enjoy life a little. As Ryan has said, "If Ian can see us, I'm sure he wants us to be happy." And I agree with that. He is happy now and I'm sure he wants us to do the same.

Before I end, I wanted to take a moment to thank both of our families. My parents (of course) and my sisters and their families have been up this whole weekend and have been such a huge support to me. I have been grateful to have them to do things with to take my mind off of some of the sadness. I don't know if they understand that just having them here as a distraction has helped me more than they could ever imagine. Ryan's family have also been wonderful. They have called on several occasions and have constantly asked what they can do to help. Again, knowing there are people we can turn to at any given time means so much to us.

So there will not be any blog updates for about a week. When I get back, I will post some pictures that we got of Ian before and after he died. They are beautiful and I'm grateful to be able to share them with those we love.

Thank You

I just wanted to write and thank everyone for the love and support shown to our family. It has been a very difficult couple of days with a lot of sadness and tears. But we feel very lucky to have all of you as friends and are so grateful to know there are so many people willing to help at a moments notice.

With the sadness and tears, we have also had some beautiful moments as a family. Knowing about the plan of salvation has truly helped us through this difficult time. Ryan and I have had some amazing conversations about how truly lucky we have been to have such a perfect little spirit brought into our lives. We feel so privileged to have been trusted as the parents to our little Ian. We also know that we will be with him again one day.

We know there will be times of heart ache throughout our lives as we think about the exciting and wonderful things he would be doing by himself and with our family. We know that as we watch Darek grow up, we will remember that Ian should be there right by his side. And I'm sure, in a way, he still will be.

We are grateful for the strength and faith that we have been given to be able to deal with this trial in our lives. We are so grateful that we have been blessed with Alex and Darek. They have been the shining light in our darkest hours.

We will be finding out tomorrow about the funeral services that we will be holding. We will only be doing a graveside service, so it will not be very big. I will be posting that information on our blog tomorrow or Sunday so those who would like to attend, may do so.

Thank you again for all the support. If you have any questions, you may post them here, or send an email to us at shellybug49@hotmail.com

Ian Jacob Wood

Ian was born on July 3, 2008. We were blessed to have him join our lives on August 22, 2008. Ian left this life October 7, 2008. We are so heart broken and love and miss him terribly. It's so amazing what joy a little person can bring into a family in such a short period of time. This was such a complete shock to us and we were very unprepared for it.

Ian, we are so happy that you are out of pain and are with your Heavenly Father, who will watch over you. We are so grateful to know that one day we will be reunited with you and will be able to raise you. Your brother, Alex, doesn't fully understand why you cannot be with us any longer and is so sad he never got the chance to meet you. He loves you so much! Darek is so little and will not understand this for a very long time, but I'm sure he knows. The bond you two have will, I'm sure, carry into eternity. Part of me is so angry that you cannot be here with us any longer, but I also know that you would probably have had a life full of pain and hardships. Ian, we love you so very much and look forward to the day that we are all reunited again.

Photo Shoot

This morning I took 2 of my boys to get pictures taken. Once again, my AMAZING friend Holly took some great pictures! Of course, when you are working with the cutest boys in the whole world, it makes it a little easier. (I'm not a proud Mom or anything) I want to post all of the pictures because it's so hard to narrow it down, but I'll just post some of my favorites for now.

I can't say enough about the amazing pictures Holly takes, so I am happy to promote her in any way I can. To see more of her amazing photographs, visit her blog at www.hollyhydephotography.blogspot.com Thank you so much my sweet, sweet friend! I love having pictures of my sweet little guys. Can't wait to get Ian home to get some of him!

New Hair

So I got bored with my hair again and went a little crazy this morning. It turned out pretty well I think. I'm sure I'll have a few days where my hair will not cooperate, but anyway, here is my new do....

So, there it is. Nice and short. I'm sure I'll grow it out again though. I can never stay too short for too long.

The Greatest Friends!!

For my birthday this year, my 3 best friends took me out for lunch and then up to Park City to have some fun (and re live moments from our trip this summer). We had the best time. We went to the Alpine Slide first and took the gorgeous ride up the ski lift. The leaves were all changing color and it was just beautiful! Holly and I raced down the mountain first with Kaylene and Tammy right behind us. After that we went to the new roller coaster they have right by the Alpine slide. You are in your own little car and it automatically takes you up the mountain. At the top it releases you and you control how fast you go down. It was a blast!! I almost got a few bugs in my mouth going down :) but it was so fun to feel that crisp air on your skin! After that we headed home, but not before they handed me a card with money inside and a promise to come up in a week to do some shopping at the outlet stores!!

Thank you so much girls! It was a perfect day and I had so much fun!! Can't wait to go shopping next week!