Never Ending

Well, the past few days have been interesting.  As my doctor says, I'm weird and am really not fitting in anywhere close to what normal is.  I went in to see my doctor last Wednesday.  He said it looked as though my body was probably going to miscarry the baby.  The strange part about the comment was that I thought I already had because of what I went through on Sunday - Tuesday.  But apparently it wasn't over, which crushed me.  So he ordered another blood test to find out what my hcg levels were after all of the bleeding on Sunday.  On Thursday we found out they had risen from 1210 to over 3000.  ????  Very confusing.  But I figured my body was just in the process of lowering back to normal.  He asked that I follow up with him on Saturday to let him know how I was doing.  On Saturday, the bleeding had all but stopped and I hadn't experienced any major pain since Tuesday.  Again, very confusing.  So he ordered the hcg again.  Results came back a few hours later at over 5000.  WHAT?!?  That was when I got the comment of how 'weird' I am.  From everything he saw and what had happened, he really thought I was miscarrying.  But these numbers tell something very different.  The hcg does not go up if you are not pregnant.  There are a few exceptions.  One of which is a blighted ovum (where there is a sac but no baby).  So that is still a possibility.  He also mentioned that there could have been twins, that I miscarried one and the other one is still there.  And in very unfortunate circumstances, some cancers can cause hcg levels to rise.  I'm really not worried about that because of everything else I've experienced.  So my levels are now high enough that they should be able to see something on ultrasound.  I have one today at 3:00 pm.  I'm bummed I have to wait all day, but the nice part about it being in the afternoon is that Ryan should be able to come, where we weren't sure if he could come at all.  I just pray I get an answer.  They may not be able to see a heartbeat yet.  Around my levels, usually all that is visible is the sac and the baby is just a stem.  I'm praying that if there is a baby, we'll see more than that, just so I can put my mind at ease instead of having to wait even longer.  If there is no sac, no baby then obviously I'm no longer pregnant.  But then the question will be why my levels are still rising.  So here we are still with no certain answers.  I thought for certain we were past this and I was processing and coming to terms with the miscarriage.  I am elated that there could still be a baby in there, but don't want to let myself get excited or think about it too much.  Because there are still major reasons to be worried.

Last night we had my in-laws, Ryan's sister and 2 nephews over for game night at our house.  We decided it was time to tell them.  We didn't want to use the cute way we had planned to because of all of the circumstances.  We told them we were pregnant, but immediately told them everything else that was going on.  My sister-in-law was shocked.  ;)  But my mother-in-law was not quite as shocked.  She has been working in the temple a lot and she said that last month she kept having the impression that we were pregnant and she was just waiting for us to tell them.  She also went on to say that she had the impression that it was a girl.  We told them about the promptings that we had received.  My sister-in-law made the comment that we must all be very in tune and that she wasn't because she didn't have a clue!  I can tell my mother-in-law is worried for us, especially with all the struggles she had with having children.  But it was fun to tell them and it's nice to know we have even more prayers coming our way.  So now to get through the next 4 hours...