Post Surgery update

I have been debating whether to continue to post about any of this after receiving some harsh criticism and comments.  But ultimately I decided that this isn't about anyone else or for anyone else.  It's for me and for my family.  I'm happy to let others read it, so I'll have to deal with those who don't like what I have to say.  So criticize all you want!  :)

I am now a week and almost 2 days past surgery.  I'll give just a little summary of the surgery.

Tuesday, Feb 24th - Got to the hospital about 1:30 and checked in.  Soon after I was taken to a room to get all the hospital garb on.  A nurse started an IV and we ended up waiting in that room for about 3 hours.  At around 4:45 (I think) I was wheeled out and said goodbye to Ryan.  I was taken into another room where a nurse came and talked to me about any fears and worries I had, which really boiled down to not knowing exactly what would happen and what they would find.  We went over what would happen in surgery and that I would get to talk to the doctor and anesthesiologist before going in.  I was then wheeled down a hall and watched as my doctor started getting ready for the surgery.  He came over and talked to me as did the anesthesiologist.  We signed all the papers and headed into the OR.  I moved from one bed to the other and was almost immediately asleep. 

The hospital stay was actually pretty good overall.  I had really great nurses and my doctor was always checking up on me.  It was hard being on the maternity floor with a whole bunch of new moms and babies everywhere, but I will tell you that I stayed really emotionally strong throughout my stay.  Even with pain and everything, I did not shed a single tear while I was there.  And not because I wanted to prove something, it was simply because I was really doing okay.  There were a couple moments that really tested my strength.  At one point, a nurse was quietly coming into my room.  She had her back to me and I could see her wheeling something in.  At first I thought it was the nurse coming to check my blood pressure.  Nope.  She had gotten rooms mixed up and was wheeling a baby into my room.  I very kindly told her she had the wrong room.  She turned around, shocked, apologized and left the room.  Ryan and I kinda laughed it off, but it stung a little.  Another one of my nurses was applauding me for my progress with walking and said if I felt like walking around, the evening was the best time to do it, cause most of the babies were back in the nursery by then, so I could go take a look at them.  I told her I didn't think I was emotionally prepared for that yet.  Her jaw dropped (realizing what she said) and smiled and walked out.  Again, it stung, but I occupied myself with new episodes of Survivor and The Amazing Race.  :)  The boys came to see me on Wednesday afternoon, which I loved!  Because I was on the maternity floor, with the sicknesses going around, they couldn't let the boys come to my room, so we worked it out to get a wheelchair so I could go down to the lobby to see them.  They were a little freaked out seeing me in a wheelchair and hospital clothes.  Darek got a little upset and told me he just wanted me home.  But I loved seeing them and was so grateful to my mom for bringing them to me.  I ended up doing so well that they let me leave on Thursday afternoon around 1:00.  I really wanted to be home by the time the boys got home from school that day.  They were so happy to see me home and I was thrilled to be there.

Friday I got my staples out.  My doctor had ended up leaving town and asked a family practice doctor if she would remove them.  Ryan took me over in the morning to get it done.  We were waiting for her in one of the rooms.  She walked in and yelled, "Congratulations!"  She looked around and then asked, "Well, where is the baby?"  We told her that we had an ectopic pregnancy and there wasn't a baby.  She then started making up excuses as to why she said what she did.  It became very uncomfortable because she just kept carrying on about it, but with no apology.  We finally got through it and she just as happily said, "Well, have a great weekend!"  As we walked down through the lobby, I lost it.  I don't know if it was because it was the final straw of dealing with insensitivity, or just the major realization of not having a baby.  But I cried as Ryan held me.  He made the comment that she would be one doctor we would never be seeing in the future.  We got to the car and I calmed down and I found my strong self again.

I should explain that I did end up with a full C-section incision.  They did go in laparoscopic first, so I had 2 incisions from that and then my big one.  While I was in the hospital, the two little ones started to itch a bit but they didn't look too bad.  It got a little worse on Friday and I showed the doctor that took the staples out.  She didn't see that anything was too bad.  But over the weekend they got really red, really itchy and my skin started bubbling around the incisions.  On Monday I called my doctors office to see if I could get checked out.  I knew he was probably busy, but when I called at 8:30 and still hadn't had a call back at 2:00, I decided to go to the instacare.  His office was in the same building, so I went up there first to see if he wanted to look at it. The nurse went back and talked to him and she had me come back really quick.  He came in and said I was having an allergic reaction to the adhesive they put on to attach the steri strips.  He ended up having to rip the steri strips off (of blistered skin).  Yeah, that didn't feel good.  He said that I wouldn't have anything holding my incision together, so I would have to be extra careful with what I do.  But there was really nothing he could give me to help with the itching or blistering.  Awesome.  He asked me to come to his office after he was done torturing me.  :)  He said that while the pathology reports had not come in while I was still in the hospital and he wanted to go over those with me now.  He had thought after the surgery that the mass was a cyst but after getting the report back, they found it was actually a tumor.  A benign tumor, thankfully.  But he said because they were trying to save what they could, they didn't get all of the tumor, so it was a possibility it could grow back.  He also said that what they removed from my fallopian tube was indeed the pregnancy.  He said he would see me back in a couple weeks.

 So here we are today.  Other than this darn rash, I'm healing pretty well.  Of course, still a bit of pain, but I think I'm doing okay.  I've been out of the house quite a few times and I've done pretty well.  This time has really given me a chance to reflect on the last month.  Weird that it's been a month since I took that test.  Part of me is sad still.  I feel though that having what I thought was a miscarriage, was a blessing in disguise.  I was able to process the loss of the baby during that time.  So as I've gone through this surgery I could focus on my physical well-being, instead of being emotionally distraught along with it.  I have been overwhelmingly grateful for so many things.  As I stated in my last post, I knew that one of the only ways I could handle this outcome is if my health could be affected if it hadn't happened.  Knowing that this was a tumor, it would've kept growing and growing.  And although benign, who knows what the outcome might have been if it hadn't been caught and taken care of.  I have no idea how long it's been there or how fast it was growing.  This surgery honestly could have taken both ovaries and tubes had anything gone wrong, so it seems to me that there is a reason I was able to keep everything.  I'm still hoping and praying that I'll be able to have a healthy pregnancy in the future.  Now knowing it can happen and knowing the promptings I've had, I can't see giving up at this point.  I'm also really scared about having another ectopic.  But I know I can't let fear rule over me.  As Ryan has said to me a couple times now, "We need to let you heal first, then decide if we want to attempt anything again."  I personally like to have a plan, so waiting and having patience isn't always easy for me.  Besides the blessings of having a successful surgery, I have been blessed tremendously by those around me.  I have had so many offers of help and comfort.  Dinners brought over, family and friends calling or texting to check up on me.  I know that there are so many people that have prayed and continue to pray for me and my family and I want them all to know that I have felt that love and comfort.  I don't think I realized how much I am loved and how many people truly care about me.  It has been eye opening and inspiring for me to see.  It has been hard to be on the accepting end of service, to have so many others provide service for me.  I think I will also try a little harder to find ways to serve others.  Knowing how much the littlest kind comment, flowers, text, phone call, dinner, hug, conversation, card, lunch, etc. has meant to me and how it has helped me grow stronger everyday.  I want to do the same for others and give back what has been given to me. 

I want to end this post by thanking my Heavenly Father.  I truly thought as I was going through the last month that this would really affect my faith.  That I would have a hard time understanding and getting through this trial in my life.  Especially with what we have already experienced in the past.  While I'm so sad and wish with everything in me that this pregnancy didn't have to end this way, I'm grateful to Him for giving me some understanding to why it ended this way.  I don't know that I'm exactly grateful for the experience, not yet.  But I'm grateful for my health and know I am blessed to have the family and beautiful children that I have.  And for those things alone, I know I have been given more than I deserve.