Darek and Ian's Adoption Story - Part 1

My friend Amy posted her little girls adoption story in honor of National Adoption Month. After reading it, I've been inspired to do the same. I posted bits and pieces of it when we got the boys, but never went through the whole thing. Hopefully I can remember it all and hopefully get through it in one post. Just a warning... it might be pretty long. ;)

Ryan and I have always wanted a pretty good sized family (4-5 kids) and never thought it would be a problem. When it took 14 months and some fertility drugs to get Alex, we figured it would probably be the same with any future children. So we didn't wait long to start trying for another one after Alex was born. Each year passed with fertility drugs and procedures. After 4 years, some pretty bad break downs on my part and lots of failed attempts, we stopped the drugs and procedures and took a little break. The break didn't last long because we had such a strong desire to add to our family. We immediately started talking about adoption. It was something I always eventually wanted to do... this just gave us the opportunity to do it sooner than we had planned. We got the information we needed and started the process to adopt. It took us about 6 months to get everything completed and approved. We got our approval letter in February 2008. We knew that because we already had a child, we would probably end up waiting a bit longer than a couple without a child. We were expecting a possible 2 year wait. Even though it was a long time, we knew we were at least working towards our goal.

We were never really contacted by any birth parents within that first little bit and we weren't really surprised. Late on Friday, August 22, 2008 I saw that I had missed a phone call and had a voicemail. I listened to the voicemail. It was our social worker calling about twin boys in Virginia that were looking for an adoption placement. My heart skipped a beat. I was excited but almost immediately started to dismiss the call. Twins? Virginia? Right now? Alex was starting Kindergarten on Monday and Ryan was going to be in his 2nd week of his Radiology program for school. This would just be impossible! TWINS!?! But I couldn't shake the call. I casually brought it up to Ryan. His first reaction.... Twins??? I told him I knew and had no idea how we'd do it, but convinced him that it wouldn't be a "big deal" to just call our social worker back for a little more information. He agreed and I called her. She gave me a few more details including the fact that the adoption would be through another agency. She gave me the contact information and said to contact them if we were interested. Ryan again said he just didn't think it would work. I agreed but again said it wouldn't be a "big deal" if I just called the agency back east to get a little more information. After talking to the other agency and really getting the information about the boys, my heart was about jumping out of my chest. I sat down with Ryan and we had a very long talk about it. Ryan was pretty focused on the "twins" part of it and the horrible timing part of it. But he went off the feelings I had about it. I told him that if we wanted to proceed and get a little more serious about it that we would need to fax our paperwork to the agency over the weekend. He was so worried about it but said if I felt good about it that he was okay with proceeding. (I just want to note here that in NO way did Ryan not want these boys. He was so concerned about all the details... it's the kind of person he is and I'm glad he is that way. I tend to work from the heart and him from the brain. It works out pretty well because both of us think of things the other doesn't.) Over the weekend, I worked on getting our agency to fax back our paperwork. I felt like I was on the phone the whole weekend. I was also learning what a miracle it was that we were even notified of these boys. The news traveled through several social workers to get to our agency, which totally confirmed to me that these boys belonged with us. But I knew it was still a long shot for us to even be chosen. After we had sent all the paperwork in on Saturday, I decided to tell just a few close friends and family about the situation and ask them to pray for us. We were told that we would have an answer Monday morning.

Waking up Monday morning, Ryan had left for school and I probably should have been totally focused on Alex's first day of school. And I was to a certain degree, but the seconds ticked by so slowly and I was sure I was about ready to get some disappointing news. I got a phone call around 9:00 that morning. It was the director of the agency here in Utah. He said he was in contact with the agency back east and they had narrowed the couples down to 3.... and we happened to be one of them. He asked me several questions. How big is your apartment... will you have enough room for twins.... do you plan to work after bringing them home.... I answered the questions and when it came to working after bringing them home... I said no. NO??!? What was I thinking? Ryan had just quit his full time job so he could focus on school. He was still working part time and I was working full time and had the benefits. I honestly hadn't thought about it and had NO CLUE how we would pay for twins if I decided not to work. But I said I would not be working after bringing them home. And I wasn't lying. I really meant it. Boy, Ryan was going to be surprised about that! He said that was all he needed and would be calling back within an hour with a decision. I was a complete basket case! I can only imagine what Alex was thinking watching me pace around the house. I didn't sit still the entire time. An hour passed and no call. 1 hour 15 mins... nothing. 1 hour 30 min... they must have called the adoptive parents already and now they're going to call us with bad news. I was devastated. I was certain we were not chosen. And to know we came within 3 couples. It was a terrible feeling. Finally 1 hour and 37 minutes later. (I'm crying right now thinking about this moment.) I remember having a very solemn tone to my voice when I answered. He asked me if we were ready to fly out to Virginia to pick up our boys. I started crying on the spot. He said he'd give me a minute to gather myself. I had about a million things going through my mind and somehow managed to get some very important information down... including the fact that Baby A was going to be released from the hospital the NEXT DAY and we would need to fly out TONIGHT!!! I got off the phone and started sobbing. I grabbed Alex and hugged him and told him he was finally going to be a big brother. Something he had waited a VERY long time for and wanted so badly. I called Ryan to let him know he was going to be a Daddy again, but only got his voicemail. I left him a message... a weird message to leave on your husbands phone. ("Hey babe, can you pick up some milk on the way home? Oh and by the way, you're a proud new father of twins!") I had kept my Mom informed of what was going on and she knew I'd be getting an answer soon. She had her visiting teachers over when we got the news and they had no clue. I told Alex to go upstairs and tell Grandma that he was going to be a big brother. I crept up the stairs behind him so I could hear the reaction. There was a lot of screaming, then crying. We told the visiting teachers what was going on and then kindly told them they needed to leave... because we had A LOT to do!! We called my Dad and got him working on getting us plane tickets for that night. I really wanted to go to Alex's kindergarten orientation. I didn't want to miss out on it and really didn't want him to miss out on it. My Mom took off to the store and bought lots of teeny tiny little preemie clothes and diapers. After all... we had NOTHING! We had been given less than 24 hours notice and we were totally unprepared! I took Alex to the school around noon for orientation. I had to leave about 5 times to take phone calls, one of which was finally Ryan. He had finally gotten my message. Even with as nervous as he had been, he was so excited! I told him we were leaving that night and he needed to get things figured out with school and then get his butt home! He was worried about school and worried that they wouldn't let him take the time off. But they were so happy and excited for him and he had no problems getting a couple days off to fly out. Honestly, a lot of that afternoon was a complete blur. I remember orientation a little bit and then coming home to pack. I don't remember much after that. I remember Ryan getting home and getting really excited. I remember calling Ryan's parents and leaving a message for them that they were going to be grandparents again. And then I remember the airport. My parents drove us to the airport. We had decided it wouldn't be wise to take Alex. I hated making this decision and it's one I still kind of regret. Had I known everything I know now, he would have come with us and flown home with Ryan. But I won't get into all of that. It was so hard leaving him at the airport. We were so excited but I hated leaving him. He was so excited too and understood why he couldn't come, but still wanted to so badly. We hugged and kissed him a million times and said goodbye. We got to our gate, got on the plane and took off. It was a red eye flight, so we should have been sleeping. Right. How in the world can you sleep knowing you would be meeting your children in just a few short hours. I remember looking through a baby name book almost the entire time. We had 2 names to come up with and (no offense) the names we had picked out for "future children" didn't really fit for African American kids. :) So we really had to start fresh. Ryan and I had a really hard time agreeing on names. I had quite a few picked out and Ryan really didn't like very many of them. I look back at some of the names I had picked out and am SO HAPPY Ryan didn't like them. I actually kept a list of the names I had started looking at over the weekend we were sending our paperwork back. Even though we hadn't officially been chosen, I had already started looking at names. :) Here is my list dated 8/24/08 (Sunday).

Order		Name	Sort	Gender			Meaning	More info	My Names
		Isaac		Boy			He will laugh	More...		Delete
		Ethan		Boy			Strong, firm, impet...	More...		Delete
		James		Boy			Supplanter	More...		Delete
		Ian		Boy			God is forgiving	More...		Delete
		Jesse		Boy			Gift; wealthy	More...		Delete
		Seth		Boy			Appointed	More...		Delete
		Jonah		Boy			Dove	More...		Delete
		Sawyer		Boy			One who saws wood	More...		Delete
		Joaquin		Boy			God will establish	More...		Delete
		Jude		Both			Praise; thanks	More...		Delete
		Jakob		Boy			Supplanter; held by...	More...		Delete
		Jonas		Boy			Dove	More...		Delete
		Jack		Boy			God is gracious	More...		Delete
		Keenan		Both			Descendant of Cathá...	More...		Delete

I still very much like Keenan, but all Ryan could think of was Keenan Wayans... so he vetoed that one. I did get to use Ian Jacob and Ethan for a middle name. But Ryan really liked Darek. I wasn't really into that name at all. I figured he would drop it, but he kept bringing it up. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. But I didn't like a lot of the spellings. Derrick, Derek, Derick, Derec, Dereck... but when I saw Darek, it just kind of clicked. By the time we landed, we had the names Darek Ethan and Ian Jacob picked out. We just didn't know which name would go to which baby. We got of the plane, got our luggage and found our social worker, Alice, waiting to take us to our babies.

Ok, this is getting very long. So I'm gonna quit for the night. I will get to Part 2 soon!