So I didn't intend it would take 2 weeks to get to part 2, but I'm finally sitting down and have a little while to write the rest of it out. So here it goes!
I remember walking through the airport with Alice and feeling very much dazed. I couldn't imagine that this was all real. We were very sleep deprived but the excitement was keeping us awake. The nerves started to set in for me. I had no idea what to expect. Even though we had some details, there were a lot of other questions and worries I suddenly had. How big are the boys now? Are we going to be seeing and talking to the birth mom? Am I going to see them and love them like I loved Alex? I hadn't questioned this before because I didn't think I'd have issues with that with all the foster kids we'd had over the years and knowing how much I loved each one of them. But this was different. These weren't my siblings, these boys were my children. I remember shaking in the car ride over to the hospital. Alice told us we were going to go over to the first hospital - Norfolk General to see Baby A. After we were done there, we'd walk next door to the other hospital - Childrens Hospital of the Kings Daughters (CHKD) to see Baby B. I tried to enjoy the scenery, since this part of VA was a place we'd never been before. But I don't remember really caring about that.
We finally got to the hospital and checked in. We went up to the NICU in that hospital. Even though Baby A was doing fine, he was still being kept there because of his size. We had been told that he would still be on a feeding tube and we'd need to learn how to use that before we left. We got to the NICU, washed our hands, checked in and went in to see him. I remember the layout perfectly. We went around a little corner and there he was, laying in his crib. My first reaction was the shock at his size. He was the tiniest baby I had ever seen! And he was double what he was at birth! Then I looked into my sons face. He was so beautiful. He had the softest, curly hair and the sweetest little chubby cheeks. How in the world could a baby so small have chubby anything!?! He had big, beautiful brown eyes that looked right up at me. I was in love. Plain and simple. This little boy was ours. I was his mom. After Ryan and I had looked at him, it only took a few minutes to decide that Baby A was Darek. I had wanted to see them both before deciding for certain, but I was 99% sure he was Darek. I was expecting wires and tubes, but he didn't have any of that. I asked the nurse about the feeding tube and she told me that he got sick of it a few days ago and pulled it out and had been taking bottles just fine. I was in awe that this tiny little guy who still wasn't supposed to be born for another month and a half was this perfectly healthy baby boy. I wanted to scoop him up and take him with us right then, but there were still tests they had to do to be sure he was ready to leave. So we said goodbye temporarily to him so we could go meet his brother.
It felt like this crazy maze going out of the 1st hospital over to the 2nd and I swear it was an hour before we got there, although I'm sure it was just minutes. Alice had told us that Baby B was not doing as well, but that he really just needed more time. I was a little more nervous to see him because I wasn't sure how he would look or how severe the problems were. But as we got closer to the NICU at CHKD, all of the worries seemed to go away. We had to check in at the front desk before heading back. The secretaries there were so wonderful as we told them who we were. We were told what room and bed he was in. We got to the room and had to wash our hands really well. I'd like anyone to try and stand there and wash their hands for the full 2 minutes, when your baby is just out of sight right from you. It's nearly impossible. But I managed to get through those few minutes and head back to his incubator. There were probably a total of 10 babies in each section and I remember looking at them as I headed back to my baby. He was the last one in that row, right next to the window. As soon as I saw him, I had the same feelings I had with Darek. I knew so quickly that he was my son. I felt like I already knew him. It was such an amazing feeling. And as soon as I looked at his face, I was totally positive about the names. He was most definitely Ian! I wasn't as bothered by all the wires and tubes as I thought I would be. I just focused on his beautiful little face. He features to me were softer, sweeter almost. He was asleep when we got there. We opened the holes to the incubator and put our hands on him. Again, he was so tiny. He had the softest hair with the most beautiful curls. The nurses gave us some information that I didn't understand even a little bit. But they told us that he was the sweetest baby in there. He was always so good and they loved to come sit with him. I can't remember how long we were there with him, but it didn't feel like very long before we left to go eat and talk about signing papers.
We went to the cafeteria and ate. All of a sudden I started to feel a little tired. After we ate, we found a little quiet area in the hospital and sat down with Alice and signed the adoption papers. She mentioned that there was still a certain time period that Beatrice (our birth mom) could change her mind, but assured us that she was sure that wouldn't happen. We got a little bit more information about Beatrice and found it interesting that she already had 2 little girls and was 20 years old. We asked if we'd be meeting her, but Alice said she wasn't really interested in meeting us. We were a little sad but were okay with whatever she thought would be best for her. We went through the enormous stack of paper work and signed our names a million times.
After we were done with the paperwork and feeling like everything was official, we headed back over to Norfolk General to get our baby Darek. We got over there and there was still so much to do. They hadn't done his car seat test, which was going to take a while. He still was hooked to monitors and needed to be dressed still (which I couldn't wait to do). So as we waited, I took a little time to step out and call a few people, including the people we were going to be staying with in VA. We had been bugged all day by excited family members, but there hadn't been much time to call or update people. It was getting to a point where everything was just taking so long. Alice was getting quite impatient (not that I could blame her) and was more than ready to leave. She suggested we just leave for the night and come back tomorrow for his release. WHAT?!? Oh no, I don't think so! We were so excited and had come so far, I wasn't going to leave my baby at the hospital, when I knew I could wait just a little longer and have him come home that night. So we waited. After everything finally came through and we talked to the doctors and nurses about appointments he would need in the next few days, we finally got Darek dressed, in his car seat and left the hospital. It was an incredible feeling! Alice pulled her car up and we loaded him in.
Now another bunch of nerves set in. We were going to be staying with a family in Chesapeake whom we had never met. We had originally thought we'd be staying across the street at a Ronald McDonald house, but found out they wouldn't let us stay there with an infant. So stupid. So a social worker had gotten word out in the area, through the church about our situation. And this amazing family had stepped up and agreed to take us in for the time we were here. We didn't know much about them, just that they were amazing to let us come stay. When we arrived at the Hunter-Holmes, we were brought in with open arms. And immediately, I felt like I had known this family for years. The family consisted of Steve and Pam and their kids Maya (who was 7 or 8), Avery (who was a month older than Alex - 5) and Ian (complete coincidence who was a few months old). They were all so excited to see Darek and had a hot dinner ready for us to eat, even though it was so late. They showed us where we would be staying and I think I stayed up for a few hours just talking to Pam. On top of having 3 kids, she was also the Relief Society President. I was amazed at the generosity of this family and will always feel in debted to them, in more than one way.
The next day we went back over to CHKD to spend more time with Ian. We took little Darek over with us. Because Darek wasn't allowed back in the NICU, Ryan and I had to take turns going back. They told us that Ian was doing really good that day and we could hold him that day. Because Ryan was going to leave the next day, I told him to take this special time with Ian. I stayed out with Darek and got to meet some wonderful people. The chaplain they had there, Chaplain Reggie, was amazing. We told him our story and he was in awe that we would do this. And of course we felt so privileged. He was in love with Darek and offered to sit with him for a little while so I could go back with Ryan and Ian. I'm so glad he did, because we got some wonderful pictures while we were back there together. We spent several hours there that day and had some wonderful time with Ian.
The next day Ryan had to leave. He left very early in the morning. Darek and I drove Ryan to the airport and said goodbye. It was so hard saying goodbye and I knew how difficult it would be not having him there. Over the next week, things were crazy! I tried to get to the hospital to see Ian as much as possible, but it was so hard with not being able to take Darek with me. Pam was nice enough to watch him when she could, but I also had several doctor appointments I had to take Darek to in the mean time. It was a very hard week. I did get to take a day and go with the Hunter-Holmes family to the Norfolk zoo. That was so much fun and a very needed break. Finally the day came for me to leave and go home with Darek. I went to the hospital that morning and spent some time with Ian. It was so hard to leave. I said goodbye to him, and kissed him. As soon as I left the room, I broke into tears. It was such a difficult thing to do to leave him there. I went back to the house, finished packing up our stuff and Pam took me to the airport. It was almost as difficult saying goodbye to her too. But I was also so excited to get home to Alex and introduce him to one of his new baby brothers.
I flew from Norfolk to Houston and had a 4 hour layover there. It was fun walking through the airport there with this teeny little baby. There were many people that literally thought I was holding a baby doll. It was fun to meet new people and share our story. Darek had some kind of stomach bug on our leg home from Houston and must have pooped 6 or 7 times. I spent most of that flight in the bathroom changing his diaper. And I almost ran out of diapers because I thought 7 diapers would be more than enough for a couple hours flight. We finally landed at the airport in Salt Lake and I took Darek in to the bathroom to change him one more time before taking him out to meet Alex, Papa and Grandma. Ryan had to work that night, so he didn't get to come to the airport to see us. The woman that had sat next to me on the flight had come out and spotted my parents, since she knew what was happening. She let them know how cute Darek which made them even more anxious. I'll never forget the looks on their faces as I came out with Darek. I asked Alex first if he wanted to hold him. He was so nervous and said no. So immediately my mom took him out of my arms. We got our luggage together and started to walk out. Before we got to the elevator, Alex said he was ready to hold him. So we stopped and Alex sat down and held his brother for the first time. It was amazing and precious for me to see. I'll never forget that moment.
The next month was filled with having a new baby at home, getting used to having Alex in school and Ryan at school and full time work. I called the NICU constantly, although maybe not enough. We talked about moving Ian to PCMC so he could be closer. We'd have ups and downs with him getting off the vent, then back on. It all continued until the day he passed away. I am not going to relive that day right now because just reliving the rest of this story has been so emotional. There will always be a void in our home where Ian should be. Always a part of me missing. But I love my son so much and can't wait to see him again.
I know I've left out so many details, but this is our adoption story. I love telling it and I'm glad to have it written down now so I can come back and read it whenever I want to.
I really hope that we will get the opportunity to adopt again. It's a magical experience. One that we will never forget and always feel so grateful to have experienced.
